Deception Tips Podcast Episode 46 – Pursed Lips

Hello and welcome to the deception tips podcast where you will learn amazing cues to detect deceit that will help you read people like never before. I’m your host Spencer Coffman, let’s get started.

Welcome to episode 46 of the deception tips podcast. Today, we are going to learn about a new sign of deception, one that is closely related to the one we spoke about last week.

Before we get into that, let’s retouch why it is important for you to continue listening to these to really learn about deception and understand what every body is really saying.

Every body is not everybody, I’m talking about every body as in personal bodies, you will know what body language they are speaking. Body language is the language that every body speaks but nobody understands. It is a language that you are going to understand more and more each week as you learn about every new deception tip. In addition, you can learn even quicker by taking a look at the videos on YouTube.

Again, those are free videos that you can watch just like this podcast, it is free, so it is free information for you to learn more about detecting deception. You can also check out the deception tips blog which is also free for you to use and to learn from, those are some great resources that you can use to continue to learn more and more about reading people and detecting deception.

As always, get involved, get plugged in, leave some comments on those YouTube videos to join in on the discussion and learn more and more about what you can do to learn more about deception. You can also check out the Facebook pages that I have, A Guide to Deception and Deception Tips. Those are some great places where you can put in some comments, you can get more information, get plugged in and learn more about some different resources on detecting deception.

Last week, we talked about a sign of deception that involved the lips, it also was a hand-to-mouth gesture which we’ve had before, we’ve had episodes before on the lips as well. This one is something where someone was silencing themselves before they would let the truth out or it could be before they let the lie out. It could be the unconscious telling them to be quiet before they start to speak and tell the lie, or it could be happening consciously when the unconscious is trying to leak the truth.

The conscious could be hushing the unconscious which that’s a little bit rare, however, you’re going to most likely see it before the lie comes out. Therefore, when you see this type of behavior, pay attention to what comes next because you may have some questions following them. So, we talked about self-hushing behaviors and those are typically seen in a variety of ways.

Some of them are very easy to see, some of them are a little bit more obscure, the most popular one is when people take their fingers and make them look like a gun. So, they have their thumb and index fingers extended with their hands folded, they rest their chin in their thumbs and they put their two index fingers over their lips. Another way is the so-called thinking posture where someone has one hand and they put their chin in their thumb again and the index finger extends over their lips.

You can also see this in the praying hands fashion where they put their two hands together like they’re praying, two flat ninja hands or like rock, paper, scissors hands, but it’s the paper. They put them both together and they could put their thumbs underneath their chin and then they could put their index fingers right over their lips, so it’s kind of a self-hushing behavior.

A little bit more obscure one is when people are clasping their entire hand over their mouth, almost like they’re kidnapping themselves, that is a very silencing behavior. So, those are the self-hushing behaviors, you can see them when people are trying to inhibit the lie from coming out. It is the unconscious trying to prevent the lie before the conscious can tell it.

So, when you see them pay attention to what comes next then take a look for other signs of deception that may follow with their speech or with whatever is coming after. As always, circle back and poke and prod to see if you can get them to speak again and release some other signs of deception.

Today, we are going to talk about a new sign of deception and is also relating to the lips. This one is going to be more on the positions of the lips, and it includes the cheeks as well, so you can see how they move and how they act when lying. It is important to note, we have discussed the lips a couple of times before, way back in episode 32 when we spoke about how when people lie, they often lick their lips because they experience severe dry mouth.

So, you may see that a lot, you may hear like lips smacking or things like that. In addition, we spoke about them a little later on in episode 34 with how the liar’s lips may take on all sorts of different positions, the lip corners may go down, they may bite them, they may do that kind of a thing with twisting them, such stuff like that.

Today we are going to talk about other positions that the lips may take, and this is how they may puff them up a little bit and exhale, sort of like a deep breath or a sigh. It’s almost a pacification gesture like we talked about last week but not quite. So, here it is, this is deception tip number 46. A liar may puff up his or her cheeks and then exhale slowly through pursed lips to pacify their tension. Here it is again, deception tip 46. A liar may puff up his or her cheeks and then exhale slowly through pursed lips to pacify their tension.

So, we’re going to break it down, they puff up their cheeks, that’s like when you were a kid and you would hold your breath in the swimming pool or something and you’d have those big cheeks. It was like they were full or sometimes you fill your mouth with water, you put the water in your cheeks and then your brother or sister would push your cheeks and all the water would squirt out, that kind of a thing. It’s puffed-up cheeks like a blowfish or a puffer fish, then exhale slowly through pursed lips.

Now, what is a pursed lip? Well, pursed lips are any type of lips that would allow the air to come out more slowly rather than opening their mouth and exhaling. It’s like pursing lips, like a pucker almost, like before a kiss, so the lips would be pursed, they would exhale slowly almost like they’re going to whistle or something, but it’s just air coming out, no sound other than the air.

They do this to pacify their tension because remember, there is a lot of stress and a lot of tension involved in telling a lie. Stress and tension are huge with lying, so this is done to pacify the tension. So, remember I said it’s almost a pacification gesture but not really, it is because it is pacifying attention and it is not because it isn’t taking the place of something else.

Remember a pacification gesture we said it replaces something, almost like smoking, so they need to pacify the urge to smoke by chewing on a toothpick, that type of a thing. So, we are going to dive a lot more into this about the cheeks and about the lips and how it works to ease the liar and make him feel a little better, coming up right after this.

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Alright, here we are once again, we are on deception tip number 46 where we are talking about how liars may puff up their cheeks and exhale slowly through pursed lips, so they can pacify away that tension involved in telling a lie. Now, we have three parts to this, they pop up the cheeks, they exhale through pursed lips, and they can pacify the tension. So, we’re going to take these one-by-one and go through how it works and how it looks and when you might see this.

When people lie, they experience a lot of stress and tension. If you’ve been listening at all through the past several months, then you know that there is a ton of stress and a ton of tension involved in telling a lie. This is for most people, people who are really good at lying or who are sociological or pathological liars, they are borderline psychologically sick, they’re not normal and they are definitely a little bit more than abnormal.

They will not experience all the stress and tension involved in telling a lie because it is normal for them to lie, they feel comfortable doing so. Therefore, they are outliers and none of this stuff really applies to them, in fact, the opposite might hold true. Therefore, with most people, there is a ton of tension and stress involved in telling a lie. Why? It is because when you lie, you want someone to believe your lie, you know consciously that lying is not good so there’s a twist in morals there.

It’s something going against your moral compass, your conscience is telling you it’s not good, you’re worried about getting caught, you’re worried about the consequence of getting caught. You’re worried about whether or not they will believe you, you’re worried about what they might think if they found out you were lying, all that kind of stuff goes together and just creates a huge cocktail that boils up with all of the stress and tension.

So, there’s a lot of stress and tension, what do they do about it? Well, when you’re lying, you need to release that somehow or you would explode or scream or something, which is definitely not normal. They would know something is not normal and you would be caught, so how do people release that stress and tension?

Well, one way is by slowly using one of these breathing behaviors, so they puff up their cheeks and then slowly exhale. You see this a lot when people are stressed, so that is one thing to note is that when you see this behavior, it may not be because they are lying it could be because that person is stressed, it’s typically seen. If you’re in the business world you’ve seen this quite a bit.

Business world, I’m talking mainly in like Finance, attorneys, any of that high stress, tension job, stockbrokers, things like that or if you’ve seen movies, you’ll see it in movies. It’s a lot of people who wear suits and ties and they just need a minute so they breathe in deeply, they puff up their cheeks and they let the air go out. We’re not talking about really slowly, we’re talking about a few seconds and it’s puffed up and then they exhale and then they’re back to normal.

It is almost like a deep breath, but this deep breath isn’t simply a deep breath in and of itself, it’s a deep breath with the cheeks puffed up. What does the cheek puffing up do to help with their stress and tension? Well, the face has a ton of nerve endings and a ton of sensitive receptacles let’s call him, a lot of little blood vessels, a lot of capillaries in there that feel all that.

So, when you puff up your cheeks, you’re feeling that pressure of the air on all those little vessels and nerve endings and everything, so it serves to relax your face a little bit. Normally, your cheeks are not puffed up, so when you do that, it’s almost like a counter stretch. It’s like if you spend all day hunched over at a desk, they say, “Oh, you know what you need to do, is lean your head back over your chair so that your spine goes the other way for a little while.”

So, you counter stretch to reverse that and get back to normal and feel good. The chiropractors love counter stretching, they want you to always be up straight, posture perfect, everything like that. So, you use counter stretching to reverse your all-day-long position. So, that’s what that is, that cheek puffing up is a counter stretch to the cheeks, so it expands them and gives people a mental break as they exhale.

Sometimes they can visualize the stress leaving their body in a cloud of smoke as they exhale. That’s all the red smoke and anger going out, that kind of a thing, that’s a very popular hypnotic technique to get people to visualize all of that and then they exhale so it gets rid of that stress and tension inside of them.

So, this takes on that position of the lips as in they are pursed, so sometimes you may even see this where people might be conscious of this behavior and then they would just purse your lips without puffing up their cheeks and exhale slowly. That’s a variation of this behavior, you may also see where they just puff up their lips and then not exhales slowly, they just kind of pop them up and then un-puff them and then go back to normal.

It’s like a blowfish or like one of those little lizards that you see in the desert where they fan out their cheeks, kind of like that. You may see that where people just puff up their cheeks like a billow on a fireplace, something like that, it’s just kind of weird, I guess. Why would they do that? Well, they would do that to get rid of some tension, to feel that on their face, same way they would purse their lips and just blow out without doing the full behavior or the full motion.

So, you can see those two varieties of this behavior and you can see the entire thing. Any time you see any of those, you need to immediately know that that person is stressed, and that person is tense, and they are relieving that stress and tension. Therefore, if you were going to go ask them something like you’re asking your boss for a day off, you may not want to do it if you see them doing that behavior.

They’re already stressed, already tense, the thought of you having another day off is not going to go over well. Therefore, use that to your advantage and see when they may not be feeling stressed and tense and use that time to ask them for whatever request you may have. In addition, when you see this behavior, it doesn’t always mean someone is lying, it simply means that they are stressed or tense.

Therefore, if you see that and they’re talking about a certain topic, ring yourself around, come back to that topic, go around again and ask a little bit about it. See if you can get them to talk a little bit more, to elaborate and see if you notice any other signs of deception when they’re speaking about that.

If you do, then chances are very good that they are telling a lie around whatever they were saying and that that’s a sign that you witnessed with the lips being pursed and the cheeks puffing up is actually a deceptive behavior. It’s not simply releasing the stress and tension of normal life, it’s releasing the stress and tension of lying. So, pay attention to that, look for the patterns of behavior and look for the clusters of behavior.

I want to thank you for listening to this week’s episode of the deception tips podcast. I really hope that you’ll share it with your friends, subscribe to the feed, check out the deception tips videos, the books, and the blog and as always, tune in next week for a new deception tip.