Deception Tips Video 13 – Stay Silent

Hey guys! My name is Spencer Coffman. Thank you for watching the deception tips videos they’re all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will know if someone is lying to you.

Today we’ve got a sign coming up that- it’s about getting liars to talk. When someone is lying, they want to talk. They want to be heard. They have a story. Whether they’ve rehearsed it or whether it’s a spontaneous lie. Typically, this will be more for rehearsed lies, for things that a liar has thought up, and planned out.

They have a story that they’ve concocted. And, they’ve spent a lot of time, a lot of effort, and a lot of mental stress making sure that that story is perfect/is believable, and making sure that they will be believed when they talk about this story or tell this story. So, they want to be believed.

So, a trick to get them to keep talking is a very simple one and it is one that is very, very difficult to do. So, here it is. Deception Tip 13: let the liar speak. Stay silent. Oftentimes, liars will continue to speak until they believe that the target believes their lie. They may contradict themselves thus revealing the truth.

So, there are a number of very important things within this tip. The most important one is: stay silent. Shut up! Let the liar talk. They have spent who knows how long thinking of and stressing over, this lie. For a liar, there is a ton of tension within them. They’re thinking about- not only will the person believe the lie, what if they mess up? They’re probably sweating bullets.

Lying is very uncomfortable for a lot of people. And, if you’re very comfortable with lying then there might be something wrong with you, but that’s a different topic. Most people are- they feel uneasy about telling a lie. They may feel guilty. They may feel an impending doom. Then later, they may feel bad about lying. So, there’s a whole ton of tension and stress that goes into it.

So, when they want to talk they want to get this lie out as fast as possible- to get it over with. It’s like ripping off a band-aid. They just want to do it. But, if you are talking they cannot do that. Therefore, you need to stay silent and let them talk. Let them tell their lie because, when they are talking, they’re exhibiting much more for you to work with. You can watch them talk and do their little mannerisms/body language. You can sit there and look at all of these signs of leakage and see whether or not you believe them to be telling the truth.

In addition, if you notice something at some certain point in their story, you don’t need to stop them. You don’t need to interrupt them and point it out. You can just jot it down on a little clipboard, or a piece of paper, or wherever, and then come back to it when they’re done and hammer home that certain point that you noticed. They may have touched their eye on, or they may have done something that made you a little bit suspicious. Then you can come back to that later and see if they exhibit a similar suspicious behavior. This way you’ll have seen the entire lie play out. You will have heard their whole story and you have picked out the certain spots that you want to come back to.

Oftentimes, especially if you stay silent, they will even become more uneasy. For example, a lot of people don’t like silence. So, I was silent for less than a couple of seconds there and it kind of was a little bit weird. Like, I should be talking. Like, wait a minute. This is part of the video? You got to keep going. When people are silent, it puts a little awkwardness in there. There’s a little bit of like, “What is going on?”

Now, add that awkwardness and that uncertainty to the chemical cocktail of tension, and stress, and anxiety that a liar is feeling, and their level of- whatever you want to call it anxiety or stress or tension- goes from bad to worse because they’re expecting someone to talk. So, they may just start talking to fill that void. They may not be able to handle that awkward silence and start talking. Then, they may contradict themselves, thus, further revealing the truth.

So, remember. Whenever you are questioning someone, whenever you are talking to someone and they are telling their story or their lie, stay silent and let them speak. It will be very important. You can also watch out for other signs while they are speaking because there will always be more than one sign.

If this is your first time watching these videos, I’d love to have you subscribe to the channel on YouTube. Feel free to leave a comment down there as well with any questions you may have. Also, if you’d like more information we’ve got books, podcasts, blog posts, all available on spencercoffman.com that are dedicated to teaching you what every body is really saying. Until next time.