Deception Tips Video 18 – Distancing Language

Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman. Thank you for tuning in to the Deception Tips videos, they’re all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will be able to tell if someone is lying to you.

Today, we are going to talk about some cool examples of deception and body language. That is something where it happens quite often, and you may or may not have seen it before, and in addition, when you do see it, when it does happen, you don’t really know that it’s deception, because it sounds like a natural part of speech. It’s when people start to separate themselves from certain situations and certain people. It’s called distancing language.

When people start to use this type of language, they’re distancing themselves from whatever is taking place or whatever is about to take place, or whomever else is involved in the situation. It tells you that they really don’t want to be involved, they have no identification with those people, or they want to convey that they have no identification with those people.

So here it is, this is deception tip number 18. “Liars often use distancing language when speaking about someone they would like to avoid being associated with. Example: That man instead of his name.

So now this could happen with anything. It could be “that man,” “that person,” “that woman,” “that kid,” etc. But it’s instead of their name. Typically, when talking about other people, you would use their name. Or you would say my friend, or my whatever, business partner, or my spouse, my wife, my husband, Etc., my kid. You would use kind of more of an identification type of noun or pronoun to identify that person. Whereas if you use a distancing language, such as that man, or that woman, or that kid, that is separating yourself from that person.

Usually, we use names, we say, “yeah, yesterday my friend John and I, we went down to the beach and it was absolutely packed.” Instead, if you use something like, “yeah, that person and I were at the beach.” Now you kind of know that there’s a little bit of an attitude about that, like, “that person and I? Wow, like, what did he do to make me mad?” Type of a thing.

In addition, when people are in business negotiations or are asked to buy stuff, or do things with certain places, now this could be in consumer, like you could go to Walmart or Target or whatever, and some people might say, “oh, I would never shop at that place, or I would never eat at that restaurant,” things like that. That is distancing themselves from that particular establishment or that business.

In addition, this can happen in the financial world where people will say, “oh, we would never do business with that organization, or we would never give them our business.” Something like that. They’re using those “that’s, them’s” separation, and they’re distancing themselves from the situation. They’re not identifying with that.

Now this is typically, also can be seen like, if you were to join a new board or a new group, or something like that, until you start to feel like you identify with that group, you’re going to call it like, “oh, that organization, or that meeting, or that board.” But then eventually, as you start to identify it, you’ll start to use more identification language, like “our board, or our group, or our meeting.” Or, “Yeah, come over to our church,” or something like that, instead of “yeah, that church, or the church over here.” Those are separations. So this is important in two ways.

Number one is when people lie, they tend to separate themselves from the person or the situation in which they are placed. So, for example, “were you at such-and-such location yesterday?” “Oh, I would never go there.” Or, “I would never go to that place.” They’re separating themselves from that. They kind of further enhance their alibi. Or, “were you with so and so last night?” “Oh, I would never be seen with that person,” type of a thing.

Then the other side of this is when people are joining groups, or when there’s teamwork happening, or employees or something like that, if they’re using distancing language, then you know that they don’t feel like they belong in a part of that group. So, therefore, either they don’t want to belong and they maybe need to get the boot, or they are not sure how they fit in, and then something needs to be done to kind of make them feel like they belong there. Either way, it’s when people are separating themselves, it’s a red flag.

Now, there’s a very, very famous political thing that happened with this, and it was with distancing language. I’ve talked about it in the podcast, so you can check that out, or if you already know what it is, you can check it out online, but I’m not going to say what it is here, because you can check that out on your own.

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