Deception Tips Video 24 – Pledging Truthfulness

Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman, thank you for watching the Deception Tips Videos. They’re all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will be able to tell if someone is lying to you.

Today we are going to talk about a verbal technique that liars use to try to be more believed. It is something that they incorporate into their speech without even knowing, and this, the reason they do this is because a liar’s primary goal is to be believed. They want people to believe their lie. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be telling it. They’re not going to just tell a story and then hope that no one believes it. They’re going to tell the story and hope that people believe it.

Because they are trying to hide something or get away with something, or XYZ, whatever they’re trying to do, they are trying to make others believe what they’re saying. So they incorporate a few key phrases into their lie so that other people will be more likely to believe them. This is called pledging truthfulness, and today we’re going to talk about

Deception Tip number 24: Liars often over pledge their truthfulness using honest, or anti-lie phrases. Example: to be honest, and to tell the truth.

So this is important because they’ll use this anti-lie, or honest, phrases. Now, these usually come before they’re telling the lie. Also, they may say, “well to be honest with you, I would recommend using the blue color over the red color,” or something like that.

Now, what they don’t realize is that using that statement, from a common sense perspective, it makes no sense. So if I say, “well, to be honest with you, I recommend this one over this one.” Okay so wait a minute, normally you’re telling me that you would lie, but this time you’re saying to be honest you’ll, you’ll choose this one? So it doesn’t make much sense, because then that would mean that well, normally they’re a liar, and this time they’re saying “to be honest,” so, they’re going, to be honest this time. Or, “to tell you the truth, I would say this.”

So that means normally you’re lying, and today you’re saying, “I’ll tell you the truth.” Or another very, very popular one is when people are trying to recommend something, or when they think something is cool, they say something like, “well I’m not going to lie, but I like XYZ.” And all of these statements, these pledging truthfulness, or these anti-lie phrases, are done without thinking, but really what’s happening is the unconscious is putting them out there, counting on the fact that people, the targets, are going to realize that something’s off. That it doesn’t sound quite right.

It’s not really normal speech, or it doesn’t sound like it should make sense, it’s not a common sense perspective. And the unconscious is leaking that verbal behavior, or that verbal cues, to let that lie get caught. And the conscious is thinking that it’s reinforcing the truth, it’s saying, “well I’m not going to lie, that means I’m telling the truth.” Yeah but, in reality then, that means you lie all the time, and today you’re telling the truth. So you can see how that, it doesn’t quite match.

So when you hear people use these, number one, it could just be a bad habit that someone has developed, so they may not really be lying all the time, they just may have never thought about it. Some people say a lot of words without thinking and they developed a form of habit, and it’s just kind of like filler speech. Sort of like when people who are speaking say “um” a lot. If they don’t have a lot of practice, they say “um”, or they say “ah”, or things like that.

They incorporate them into what they’re saying without even thinking about it. It’s just kind of a filler to help them think. They may be using these statements as a filler to their natural speech and they may not even know what they’re doing. But once you point it out to them, then they’ll start thinking about it, and then they’ll probably stop because you’ll realize how, how stupid it sounds and they’ll say, “oh man, I don’t want to sound like that.”

Or, so when you hear them, that’s the number one is either they don’t know what they’re doing and it’s completely innocent and harmless, or number two, it is an unconscious behavior that is leaking out, trying to cover up a lie. And in that case, watch out for some other verbal and nonverbal behaviors, that you can find and spot, so that you can put together some patterns and clusters of behavior to determine whether or not they are indeed telling a lie.

If this is your first time watching these videos, I would love to have you subscribe to the channel on YouTube. In addition, feel free to comment with any questions you may have. Also, if you’d like some more information, we have books, blog posts, podcasts, all available on SpencerCoffman.com that are dedicated to teaching you exactly what every body is saying. Until next time.