Deception Tips Video 51 – Wringing Hands

Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman, thank you for watching the deception tips videos they’re all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will be able to tell if someone is lying to you. Today we are going to talk about a very special tip, this is a pacification gesture, it’s also a stress releasing or tension releasing gesture.

Remember, when someone is telling a lie they are completely stressed and tense, we’ve talked about this before and we’re going to talk about it again because it’s very important. They are lying about whatever it is they did, or they are getting out of or covering up or whatever, so they’re stressed about the lie.

They have to remember what to say whether they have invented something or they’re leaving out details, they need to remember that. It’s an entire process in their mind that is unnatural, it’s because they didn’t live it, it didn’t happen, so that means they have to invent something or remember something false which is more work, they’re memorizing something.

If they’re really good at memorization maybe, it’s easier but there is still some stress and tension there then they’re stressed about a number of things. They’re stressed about whatever they did and the consequence of it, they’re stressed because they know they’re not supposed to tell a lie so it’s morally stressing. They’re stressed about lying to that person and selling their lie to them making them believe the lie.

They’re also stressed about getting caught and whatever the consequence is about whatever they’re covering up. In addition, if they get caught now there is the consequence of lying on top of that, so it’s a whole slew of things that’s just like a big snowball. It’s one thing after another, if you give a mouse a cookie then they want this and all down the row it’s just like that.

There’s a ton of things that are building and building and building so when that’s happening the liar can become overwhelmed and then you’re going to start seeing these stress and tension releasing gestures. We’ve talked about a number of them before and we’re going to talk about another one today,

So, here it is, this is deception tip number 51. People under stress or tension will wring their hands or tightly clasp them together. So, what does that look like? Well, if you’ve ever seen somebody wring out a washcloth, they’re wringing out that towel or that wet thing to wring out and get all the water out of it, wringing the hands is very similar. You may see them fold their hands and then wring them back and forth and they’re squeezing one hand and then the other.

They’re working like they have a piece of clay in there, so you may see them fold their hands this way and then wring them back and forth. There may or may not be a lot of pressure there, maybe it’s just nice and casual or fidgets back and forth but it’s stress or tension. As you see me do this you’re watching like man, what’s the deal with that guy, why are his hands going like that, he looks kind of nervous.

If you were to watch that section without audio or show that to someone, do that, it’s a little experiment. Get somebody who’s around, whether it’s a roommate, a sibling, a parent, coworker, and cue up that little 15 seconds where I was talking with my hands and then I started going like a crazy person. Have them watch that and say hey, what do you think this person is feeling?

They’re going to tell you well, he looks really nervous or he’s unsure or something’s wrong or something like that, they have some kind of a problem. It’s because they do, it’s a nervousness gesture, it’s something that happens when someone is trying to pacify that stress and tension. There’s a key word right there, pacify, it is a pacification gesture, we’ve talked about these before.

We’ve talked about bouncing the legs or folding the arms or pursed lips and exhaling through them and different things like that. Whether it’s locking the ankles or any of those pacification gestures that are done to pacify that stress and tension involved in telling the lie. So, keep that in mind that when you see somebody wringing their hands or tightly clasping them this is done to release that stress or tension that they’re feeling, and they’re overwhelmed with that lie.

They’re doing that, they’re going to calm down a little bit, you’re going to also see different signs with that, so other patterns and clusters of behavior whether it’s breathing or something else whether it’s a different pacification gesture, so keep an eye out for all of those as well.

If this is your first time watching these videos, I’d love to have you subscribe to the channel on YouTube, feel free to comment with any questions you may have as well. Also, if you’d like more information, we have books, blog posts, podcasts, all available on spencercoffman.com that are dedicated to teaching you exactly what everybody is saying, until next time.