Deception Tips Video 69 – Become Silent

Hey guys, my name is Spencer Coffman, thank you for watching the deception tips videos, they’re all about teaching you how to read people and detect deception so that you will be able to tell if someone is lying to you. Today, we’ve got an awesome tip to talk about, it’s related to something that can be awkward, it’s also something that can really help you out even though it is a little bit awkward.

We’re going to talk about being quiet in conversations and we’ve talked about this a little bit before back in deception tip number 13. If you want to review that there’s a little card you can check out. So, here we go, deception tip number 69. When the target becomes silent, the liar’s comfort level goes from bad to worse. Most of the time, the liar will continue to speak to fill the gap.

This is important, so become silent. When you’re speaking with someone, if you are thinking that they may be lying to you, the best thing or one of the best things that you can do. Of course, you can do all these other tips we’ve been talking about but one of the best things you can do is to be quiet, you need to stay silent, become silent, let them speak.

The reason is because as we’ve talked about before, liars are tremendously stressed, they have the stress and tension of telling the lie, remembering the lie, they’re afraid of getting caught. They’ve got all that stress and tension, the consequence of whatever they did, the consequence of lying about it, there is all this stuff going on, they’re having a lot of anxiety and tension.

So, when you introduce something that’s already in a normal conversation like an awkward silence, that’s going to increase that stress and tension. It’s going to make their comfort level go from bad to worse. I paused right there for like two to three seconds and you’re like, “Wait a minute, what happened?” You didn’t know if I messed up or if something was going on.

That was a tiny pause, imagine if you paused for 30 seconds and you let them sit there and boil while they’re thinking, what are they thinking? They’re going to be really anxious about that pause for 30 seconds, a minute, however long it takes. Most of the time, in fact, I could pretty much guarantee you that they will continue to speak and to fill that gap.

Don’t talk, resist that urge, let them talk, oftentimes, they’re going to continue to speak until they convince you or convince themselves that you’ve believed the lie, that’s really what they’re doing. After a while, they’re done convincing you, now they’re trying to talk themselves into the fact that you believe their lie, which is something that they may never do because you may not believe them anyway.

So, let them speak because in doing so, they will often trip over their tongue, they may mess up, they might contradict themselves, and all of those little things will give you more and more material to work with. You have another thread you can pull and let their story unravel, you can keep in mind all of the other deception tips that we’ve talked about.

When they start to slip up or contradict themselves or go back to a different story, you can pick up on those and start questioning them and because you’ve found the little hole in their story as you question them, they will continue to trip up. It’s like a slippery slope, as soon as they’ve messed up once and you found out, you’re going to make them even more anxious because now they know that you might be on to them.

They don’t even know it, they just unconsciously think that something’s going wrong and pretty soon, they will be the result of their own downfall in you getting the truth. You didn’t even have to do anything other than be quiet and let them mess up because they will mess up if they’re lying and they think that you are on to them.

It’s just going to cause them so much more stress and tension and anxiety and the normal person cannot deal with that. People like pathological liars or who have psychological disorders, they’re probably able to deal with all that because they’re not right in the head whereas a normal person won’t be able to do that or handle that level of stress.

So, if this is your first time watching these videos, I’d love to have you subscribe to the channel on YouTube, feel free to comment with any questions you may have as well. Also, if you’d like some more information, we’ve got books, podcasts, and blog posts all available on spencercoffman.com that are dedicated to teaching you exactly what every body is really saying, until next time.